I've felt like that for a long time. It's just numbness now. I don't want to die. Now that I'm actually here I'm curious about what's going to happen. I also can't do this to my mum. Although after she grieved she would have less stress in her life. She'd be happier. I convinced her to get me a therapist, but now she won't even look me in the eye. She doesn't know about my thoughts tho. Just that I can't with school anymore. On top of that my future therapist is my aunt. Great.