I think I'm attracted to a friend of mine, but just fantasized. I wouldn't leave the father of my child and put my child through that just because of an attraction. I do feel uncomfortable with myself, so I should explore why and what exactly am I feeling.
I thought of an analogy:
You choose to go on a diet and there is a delicious looking pie right in front of you. You can be true to your diet, but the pie is tantalizing because it's one of your favorites. You can't be mad at the pie, your diet, or your desire for the pie. It is what it is.
I think this is closest to making sense of my feelings that I can get. Maybe I feel embarrassed for even thinking about kissing the"pie", and disappointed with myself. And those toxic feelings lead to find someone to blame. But I won't blame anyone, and I shouldn't blame myself. I'm controlling myself pretty well, and I don't see myself loseing control and giving into "heat of the moment" bullshit. However, I kinda hope this doesn't become a toxic friendship. What if he tells me we can't be friends? It would be understandable, but a bit annoying. As if it was something like a soap opera.
No, dude. I'm just attracted to your personality and kindness.I can keep my fantasies to myself.
I haven't told anyone about my feelings, but I guess I don't have to. Just would be nice if I could be honest without hurting anyone's feelings or making things awkward.