I've been with my boyfriend for 1 year and 7 months. He's an okay person but the longer I've been with him the more I lose myself. Our very close mutual friend (his best friend my close friend) recently passed away. My friend who passed away was like my counselor. I also had a crush on him as wrong as it sounds. He would tell me to leave him because he saw how much I was hurting. I would say no because I love him. I do love him though. That's not the issue though. I love him to much. It's to the point where I will give up my dream collage to be with him. I'm not gonna lie he treats me like shit. But it's the good that matters though. He's also very friendly and when he does something I'm not okay with and I tell him, I'm always the one to apologize. Sometimes he makes me feel like nothing but a piece of meat. He's made me hate myself. I don't eat because I"m trying to lose weight. I stay out the sun because I don't want to get darker because he's borderline colorist. I came here because I'm tired of going to my friends with my problems. If your'e reading I love you and thank you for reading what I'm thinking.