anxiety depression family issues

Hi..

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That day when you realize that your own father wanted to kill you.. Was the beginning of my emotionless journey.

I was sad.. But am I really sad?

I wanted to die since I felt that my parents don't need me..

Yes, a human trash..

I want to scream for help, but in the end the only gave those emphatic looks with no real help.. Or, they will only blame me..

It hurts..

But why I can't feel the pain now?

I was sad..

But why I can't shed a tear?

I want to be happy..

But, can I smile from my heart?

Am I selfish to wish for a small happiness?