I've been very sad for few days, I feel so alone. Ignored. Outcast. Judged by someone I love the most. Hated by my mother. Never missed by my family. No friends. No shoulder to cry on. Cried that never heard by anyone. Cried secretly. Called 'bitch' by my own mom.
I guess these are all my punishments for not being a good person.
I am so sorry. I know how you feel, I understand why you are like that towards me. You know, I can't change my past. The only thing I can do is to move on and start a new life. I don't want to ruin something more special because of my stupid decisions from my past. I will carry all those bad, worst and worst past experiences all my life until to my grave.
I am not asking for a forgiveness because I know you will never forgive me. Please don't take grudges to your heart. Be happy and be contended. Be open minded. I know my faults and I regretted all of them.
You made me the happiest woman when you asked me to marry you. I thought that no one will love me anymore and then you came, you changed something in me. You put me in the right direction when I was lost when I was doing my stupid stuff. You saved me. But, I didn't know that you have that anger towards me. You should have not married if you have that feelings for me. Our marriage will never work if you have that kind of feelings for me. I feel like I am imprisoned by your anger.
I know I am not a good person, I have the stain of a dirty bitch woman. Just let me go if you will always think about how I was before. 'Past is past, let it go and move on. Start a fresh life and live life to the fullest.' But you don't have this. Because you are angry and revengeful person. I love you with all my heart, hopefully this love will grow stronger even you judge me by my past.
All of these things that happened to me makes me wish into something; I wish I don't exist in this world. I wish I never born. I wish I never hurted people I love. I wish I am perfect. I wish I a was good daughter, a sister, a wife and a daughter in-law.