sorry if this isnt the place to ask but i actually hate myself i used to have quite alot of confidence but ive realised recently its drowned. I recently had a very bad breakdown and cried myself to sleep which must've been well needed lmao, so anyways i noticed because in snapchat i would never snap my face anymore and people were calling it out asking why. Today when someone asked what i looked like i couldn't send a pic so i went searching for one i could find i liked. I also hide my sadness behind jokes and suff like saying lol or lmao as fuller words instead of "im broken", i always listen to others when they need help but really have only turned to 1 person, i have a gf and i dont even trust her let alone my family :/ i feel because im a male i shouldn't talk about my feelings but recently ive been really depressed and need to say something.
Sorry about this being all over the place its clear im messed up but the main thing is how can i regain my confidence i know a really big part of hating myself is because im fat no scratch that i am Obese 14,5'5, 220lbs i was 200 but corona :/ ive worked out,ate very good but never lost weight or looked much beter although that was when i was happy:/ i used to worked out around 4 times a week i ate around 60carbs a day 1800cal yet nothing really maybe 5-10pounds over quite a few months. so basically ill always be fat, but how can i build confidence i know plenty of "bigger" people who have alot of real confidence but if be way to embarrassed to ask.