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How I feel

Hi so this is my first time doing this but basically I struggle with my mental health a lot lately, I have no ability to do simple things and especially go to school then in the end I feel horrible and such guilt because of it. I told my family how I feel and they even said we'll visit someone to take care of my mental health, but I've just been told something that really makes me think they don't actually think I'm telling the truth which hurts because I am. I've been feeling really bad mentally for the past 7 months and it's only getting worse, it's so bad sometimes that I have no hope for myself. I don't want to self diagnose and I as many others I believe feel like my feelings aren't valid because they might not be as major as other people's and my brain tells me sometimes that I'm lying and makes me feel guilty for wanting help. I've read that a lot of people feel this way and I was glad that I wasn't the only one. I do feel like this, but I know that I'm not the same as I was 7 months ago. 7 months ago I was genuinely in a good mental place and it slowly got worse and worse over time. What I struggle with is social anxiety, I'm well aware that there's a difference between feeling anxious and having an anxiety disorder so don't worry. Basically, whenever I have to go somewhere it seriously doesn't matter where and it's even my best friend's house when we hang out all day which sounds amazing right? It's amazing to me too but my brain doesn't say so, I can't sleep the entire night and if we for example plan on hanging out that certain day 6 days before, I'll get a bad stomachache, cramps and nausea and have them for those whole 6 days AND the entire day we hang out. Then sometimes I physically and mentally can't go somewhere like no matter how hard I try I just can't and I know it sounds stupid because you can make yourself for example go to school but I really don't know how to describe how I feel, I feel such discomfort and would do anything to stay home because of that feeling and then I regret it later. Now, for this I really don't want to self diagnose but I have many signs of it and here they are. Depression. TW I'm gonna start with s*icidal thoughts. I've had them for months now and still have them strong every day. It's gotten so bad so many times that I was close to giving up and it still is a struggle, I don't know how much I can take and live this life. I was close to doing it once about 2 months ago when I had a really tough evening and argument with my family, but thankfully there was my best friend whom I talked to and if it wasn't for them, I wouldn't be here today. Now, during this whole summer, I've had hypersomnia, I'd sleep the entire day and night and only wake up to eat meals then I'd go right back to sleep. I didn't understand why that was happening until I realised what state I'm in. It still happens often but now I can't even sleep a lot because of school so let alone sleep the entire day when there's homework and stuff I worry about. And finally I have lost basic will to shower and wash my hair. I always say "I'm gonna do it tonight/tomorrow" and I don't in the end so when I really have to do it I force myself into the bathroom. This definitely seems like laziness to those who haven't experienced this type of feeling, but I want to let you know that last summer for example I never had problems with doing this stuff, I did it every day (not washed my hair every day because it's bad for my hair) but now although I literally have to go to school every day which is something that can give you the motivation to do it I can't and this has me really worried because it's gotten really bad. I don't know what else to say but I'm heartbroken because as it seems, my family deep down doesn't trust me when I tell them I have mental problems and probably won't get me help now..I'm gonna keep fighting but it's gonna be really hard.

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Re: How I feel

The pandemic seems to have ramped this up for you. Please read this. Especially the last bit.

Life was hard. But by my mid 20’s it started looking up. I married my best friend. Bought a house. Got a great job. Had kids. In my 40’s I met my favorite athlete ever. Nearing 50 I made a friend. They had music connections. I met a lot of famous singers. In high school I had a crush on a singer. Well i got to hang out with her in my 40’s. I watched my kids win academic awards. Play music. Win city; state, & even a national Title. At an out of state sports event i met an actor. He’s one of my favorites. Very cool. Ive owned a cool old sportscar; & a BMW. Ive surfed & dived. Hung out the side of a military helicopter. Helped build something that went to Mars. I got emergency training. Ive saved lives. I breathed life into a boy who turned blue. Saved a tiny girl. Had I killed myself Id never have experienced all of those amazing things later in life. I Love You. Jesus loves you. Please learn to love your self. To calm myself I watch comedies. I listen ro fun music; I sing & dance. I stare at flashing Christmas lights on my wall; or a lava lamp on the dresser as I listen to calm music or watch TV as I drift off to sleep. I hug a large pillow as I go to sleep. Who knows what your life has in store if yiu just have the courage to live it. My best moments were holding my wifes hand. Our first kiss. My kids being born; learning to walk, & saying I Love You Daddy. You get to treat your kids the way you wish you’d been treated. Dont quit. Live this life. Stay in your seat until your turn is over. Then go to Heaven. It will wait on you. I Love You. Jesus loves you. Please learn to love your self. To calm myself I watch comedies. I listen ro fun music; I sing & dance. I stare at flashing Christmas lights on my wall; or a lava lamp on the dresser as I listen to calm music or watch TV as I drift off to sleep. I hug a large pillow as I go to sleep. God Bless

Online therapy. Talkspace.com $65 week. Maybe this will be a good site if dont want goto officr. I goto an office. Ive heard this is a good online option.

Maybe you need to read others woes on here. Realize some of these people will die. Realize how sad that is. Realize for each post millions feel the same way as us. Now try to find a way to reach one of these posters. Not in person. Just thru your words. Try to save them.

Here’s something to try. I’ve been doing it. An autistic boy was shot in Salt Lake. Write comments to the news there. Be very polite. Ask them to help the child. To make sure the cops are charged. But be nice. Most cops are good.

You will realize it’s easy to help others. You can use your phone to do it. Give them a fake name; address; & phone number. They will never know. See. Your like Batman. Doing good. Secret identity. Never left your bedroom.

If you live to help others you don’t focus on your problems as much.