Well I accidently deleted my whole confession and I don't feel like writing the whole story again so here's the long story short.
I feel worthless and not needed. I take care of other people's problems but they're never there for me. I'm tired of faking a smile so I don't bother them with my problems. I can lie in bed for days or even weeks without leaving the house and not a single person would text or call me to ask if everything is alright. I'm easily forgettable even by my family. I could disappear and nobody would notice or care. I tried to convince myself that my perspective is influenced by depression or something and I just don't see the things others do for my but it just feels like lying to myself. Even on my birthday I was alone. I just want to feel loved and needed. No one has seen me cry for years but actually I just want someone to hold me while I'm crying and make me feel safe instead of crying myself to sleep alone. Im really tired of this life. I don't remember how happiness feels like anymore.
I wish I could just leave everything behind and run away but I have nowhere to go.