At some point I wanted to be a good influence on others lives, maybe because I wanted to be remembered as the one who made others feel better or change.
I tried to be a good listener, to give advice, to be there for people whenever I could.
Sometimes people appreciated my efforts but then I noticed that it didn't change anything so I felt disappointment and stopped doing that, besides that my life slowly was crumbling while I was focused on other people's feelings.
When I noticed my life was already complicated and I got more complicated along the way.
I've become gloomy and started to have less faith in myself and people around me.
If I collect all the feelings I've been feeling ever since I'd probably go crazy so right now I'd rather bury all of them deep. So that's how I've become as I was called "a dark soul" the one with a dark heart.
If I wanna be honest I like the villainess role so I don't mind being called like that, I always was the kind who's into dark stuff (goth style but not too much, a little bit of Wednesday Addams
I chose to hide my feelings and my heart behind a really thick wall, at this point my trust doesn't go further than my mind, even myself I don't trust how can I trust someone who doesn't understand how I feel or what I'm thinking ?
I've let myself go through stupid routes in my life that made me lost trust even in my own self.
What's my point ?
Well I read this quote about people would forget what you did /said but won't forget how you made them feel.
I was wondering if it matters at this point if I had hurt someone with my dark coldness, I did feel guilty and still about certain situations but I wonder if I have to drop this cold mask that is meant to protect me just so can someone else (who might even not think twice before hurting me ) so they can feel better.
I'm not a fan of making others feel bad on purpose, I am a little mean but I don't intentionally try to hurt others ..
Idk why I'm typing this, if you're reading drop something for me to read later