I'm a fraud. I think I just need someone to know that. Like so many that grew up in excessively strict households, I learned to master the art of lying to without hesitations. Because of it, I got away with a lot in my teenage years. But now I am an adult.. I don't know how to be 100% honest with anybody. There is not a single important person in my life that I have not lied to or hid some important truth from. It's scary, because this causes severe identity issues. I'm not all too sure why I lie so much.. Maybe out of fear? Maybe out of shame? Maybe out of the desire to be and portray myself as someone better than I am... I lied to parents, because I did not fit the image of what they needed a perfect daughter to be. I lied to my friends about certain aspects of who I am, because I didn't feel like I was enough. I felt like if I made up enough lies to make myself seem like a better version of me, maybe somehow I'd end up believing it to. I lied to my boyfriend... about too much. No, I didn't lie. I just hid the truth. But that is the same thing, isn't it? I'm so good at pretending nothing is wrong and that I have nothing too hide. He'd be so hurt, if he knew. There are so many people who'd be so hurt if they knew the truth of half of what I'd done... and why? Because I'm selfish and chose to keep certain people close to me, even though I knew that they'd be better off without me. This went on into University. I am now a full time student and work part-time. Life is very busy and I've gotten caught up in the lies of someone I pretend to be. The biggest lie, however, is about to blow up in my face. I am so ashamed of what will happen when everyone finds out.. I'm not making excuses. The repercussions from my actions are my fault and my fault alone. I will have to stand up and face the consequences. Sometimes I wish everything would fall apart and the truth would come spilling out, just so I could live the rest of my life in honesty. Can I do that? Am I brave enough to tear away at my core foundation? I grew up in secrecy and lies. I helped my mother keep secrets my father and vice versa. The whole family was always at war and I stood in the middle and allowed myself to become the collateral damage. I learned to love through all the lies. How do I change what I have built my life around? Reality was too harsh, so I built myself a fantasy world. In this world, I could do and say whatever I wanted, because at the end of the day, it didn't feel real. But it was. And guilt eats away at me, now that I have finally seen the severity of all that I have done... Thank you for reading this far. Just needed someone to know the truth.