My boyfriend lives and works abroad and I am with the children . During COVID19 lockdown we got separated for 5 months as he was in lockdown and could not travel to see his kids. When he could travel again he came back for a week but then had to go back to work and then he had to travel back . Then he came back for three days and then he had to go back as a client wanted to see him. This is causing me significant anxiety because I never know when the next quarantine will be and I am just on edge constantly. It feels like I am constantly living on a knife edge . I am not sure if he will be in quarantine before this weekend and we were supposed to have holiday time. He says he can’t come back because he is working and I just got really angry with him tonight saying that I have had enough and can’t cope with it anymore but he just does not seem to listen to my worries. I starting shouting and getting really angry but this is just not like me.
I am so tense I can’t sleep , eat , think straight. I need help. I think I am in perimenopause which just doesn’t help at all. I am just at my wits end. I want someone to really listen. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like killing myself is better than carrying on living.