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I am so tired

I do not know if I can do this much longer. On the outside it looks like my life is perfect but it's not. It is so far from perfect. People try to tell me all the time that I have a lot to be happy for, and I know that they are right. I have a lot of good things in my life. I am not happy though. I am broken, beaten down, and I feel defeated. I do not want to feel the heartache of him cheating on me again. I can't seem to bring myself to walk away from my him. Am I being stubborn? Or am I too afraid? Or prideful? Or am I upholding our vows, the for better or for worse? Is this the for worse part? I have a lot of questions. There are a lot of things that I don't know. The only thing I am sure of is that I am tired of feeling this way. I just want it all to stop. I just want the pain to go away. I do not think I can take this life any longer.

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You know when you have been hurt by so many people that you genuinely cant feel anymore. Its hard to put into words but Feel Something by Bea Miller helps in my opinion. I though I was so happy for taking a break and focusing on myself but I don't think I can actually try again. I don't want to.