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I am sorry

I recently had a fight with my older brother, which is someone I "was" really close to. We have not been talking for almost 3 days. I have tried to reach out to him and said sorry. What happened was, we were drinking with some of our friends. I don't take whiskey or any hard liquor that well. But since I have recently lost my good-paying job, I am now trying to save whatever I can. So instead of my usual beer night, I decided to join in on our cheap liquor.


We were having such a nice time when I drank more than I could and let the liquor do the talking. I remember my brother saying something about himself as to why he's not been able to get a good job, and being the drunk that I am, instead of empathizing with my older brother, I started to argue and blame him for the things that are happening to him. I became a drunk arrogant a**hole. I cannot remember exactly the words that came out of my mouth, but I do know I was out of line.


The next morning when I woke up and as soon as it hit me, I immediately texted my brother. Saying how sorry I was. Since he did not go home that night, I was worried. He's home now and have been talking to my mom but not to me. And I understand his anger.


It's just that, so many things have been happening in my life right now I don't think I can manage it anymore. I might go to jail for something I did 5 years ago. I am taking all the weight when there are people that are much deserving to be where I am now today.


I lost my job.

I might go to jail.

I have lost my relationship with my brother.

and I feel like my family does not look at me the same anymore.


I have no one to talk to, I don't share things with my family esp with my Mom and my Gf since I don't want them to be worried for me. I feel like I am in this alone and on that night, I get to talk to my friends and vent out my frustrations and anger. I even cried. But I was wrong, I was drunk, and I used my brother's emotion for mine to be let out.


I miss the days when all I had was smiles.


I overstepped.

I am sorry.