(BACKSTORY)Of course, like a lot of families, my parents divorced when me and my bro were at a young age. I went to a violent sch and the teachers struggled to handle the situation and also struggled to treat children with empathy. My dad used to be really abusive and would come home drunk. He would mostly hit my brother. My mom then became abusive one after he left, making me sleep on the kitchen floor and she'd beat my scars when I hurt myself and it hurt like hell. Shes sorry tho.. but my 13 year old mind (I'm 18 now) could not believe her and I slowly grew resentful. I slept on the staircase a few times, scared to come back home. And I earned pocket money by demanding, part time jobs or stealing. Nowdays we fight physically. I have punched my mom a few times. but usually my brother and I would be the ones fighting. (although it's usually my bro and I against my mom but he stops me when I try to harm her) my brother and I would punch, pin and choke each other until we realise how stupid we were and we'd laugh at our injuries. But overall i grew up to be violent.(THE SITUATION)One night, she found out I was bi. She was mad, pissed, and i wanted to put it aside but she got closer to me and I pushed her back. She pushed me back and pinned me down. And she yelled in my ear, spit and all, "YOU JUST GIVE UP. YOU GIVE UP ON SCHOOL, YOU GIVE UP ON EVERYTHING. NOW YOU GIVE UP ON LIKING GIRLS AND GOD DIDNT MAKE YOU THAT WAY. YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN BORN DIFFERENTLY. LOSER. LOSER. PATHETIC. LOSER. YOULL GO NOWHERE."I lost it so I threw a few dishes at her and I took a guitar and I swung it at her, hitting her multiple times. I hit and I hit and she was almost going to the ground. I went back into my room to breathe and I heard her wimper "*my name*, could you please help me clean this up..." I said, "clean what up? You ok?" Then I walked out...I saw that she was bleeding everywhere. There was SO much blood. On the floor, on the broom, kitchen counters, living room carpet.. she was bleeding and she was weak. I did this to her. she had bruises and deep cuts (the guitar broke while I hit the table in anger so the edges cut her deeply. With force too). She broke her finger while defending herself. I looked at my hoodie and realised there was blood on it too. I told her to rest while I cleaned up the place but now I cant get over the guilt.My past doesnt justify what I did btw so dont go telling me "well she did this blah blah.." no. It's no excuse. It's just for u to understand. Just....what the fuck do I do..also dont use this damn story as a marketable plot for some animated story channel now fuck you. This is real shit.