I came here to vent today because I have a lot of anxiety and I need to get things off my chest. This helps me out when I do this. It helps me because it helps me process what is going on around me and etc. This is for me and no one else. So here it goes...I have a lot of anxiety because I am around people and the people I am around aren't really supportive of my choices and they judge me and make comments about what I do and don't do. It happens a lot in the state where I live. Even when I was living in the city people would come up to my face and judge and criticize me and its like I was wearing a sign that said do those things. I don't know if it was because I was alone a lot or what. I am not sure why people did those things to me. Most of my life I was treated poorly by people no matter what I said or did. It never ends because it continues to happen. When I talk to people online or face to face their statements are so judgmental and critical. I am sick and tired of it. That is why I love it when I am alone because I can never treat myself that way. But unfortunately, I can still hear what people said to my face and I still remember how poorly I was treated in my mind. I am healing everyday from it. That is why I need to be alone more. Because the more I am around people the worse I get and I the worse I feel. I noticed when I talk to people online or face to face they tell me to ignore what people say and do and they accuse me of being paranoid and they believe what others say about me and they judge and criticize me too and they tell me not to worry about what people think of me and I don't get why they say it to me because I already know that and I already practice it on a daily basis but they tell me it when I vent to them and its like they don't get what venting means. It is really frustrating to talk to people at all. I know people are not going to understand you and I don't understand them either but people make it clear to me when I talk to them that people don't understand me and they state it numerous times and they remind me constantly and whenever I talk to people at all I start to feel even more distant. I never felt the feeling of connection with another individual. I never felt any kind of connection with another person. But I felt it when I started being with animals and with myself. It sucks that I am different to the point where people notice and that is when the ridicule happens and they won't let me forget or leave me alone. It is pathetic and it saddens me to be around them and I try to get away but they keep coming back and coming after me. I don't feel safe when I am around people and I told someone that I can't remember who it was but it was someone at a hospital and she thinks it is because I don't feel safe with myself and I am like what is she talking about and it didn't make sense to me and I don't believe what she was saying and I didn't agree. Then I started to feel lost and confused again. That happens a lot when I am around people. I don't feel safe around other people because of them and not because of myself. It is like people are so ignorant and they blame you but then they don't get that they are the problem. I don't get why people call me names either. People call me stupid and weirdo a lot. I know it says more about them than it does about me and I never believed the names they called me and never thought what they said was true because I don't listen to what they say and I don't change because of what people said to me ever. It is just strange to me because I am not bothering them and I am not doing anything to them but they call me names to my face. It happens most of the time at random. I am going back to talking about how people around where I live judge and criticize. I even got bullied and laughed at numerous times and I am not being funny and I am not doing anything at all. But they laugh at me and make fun of me. They say things like I am being serious and or whatever but I am not doing anything but minding my own business. I ignored what they say and I don't respond but yet they keep coming after me. It is a vicious cycle that never ends. I just want them to shut up and leave me alone and not verbally attack or threaten me. People need to keep things to themselves. I will treat them badly back because they treated me poorly first. Maybe they need to get a taste of their own medicine. If you don't like what I say and do keep it to yourself and learn to mind your own business. I am not hurting or bothering other people and I am minding my own business. When will people understand that and When will people learn to keep things to themselves? When will people learn to not go up to someone who is minding their own business and tell them what they think? I am the person who minds their own business doesn't care. So shut up and leave me alone!