I've been suicidal since I was 9. Its been over 7 years and I dont think I can fight it anymore. I can get help in 3 years but my impulses are getting worse. I'm so tired of fighting and I'm so scared that I'll give into my impulses. I dont want to do it. Nothing ever changes. It's like I'm in a never ending loop of hell. Sometimes I dont know if I'm alive.