a month ago
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I can't get my boyfriend to have sex with me anymore

For two years I've been struggling to try and get his attention. Lingerie, communication, new sex toys, the whole nine yards. I've done it the right way, by the book. No blaming, no resentment. Just open dialogue and patience. I know he's not cheating, and I know he likes having sex with me, but for some reason, there always seems to be a more pertinent issue, and it's gotten out of control.

One week I asked him three days in a row and on the last day he "forgot" again because he was busy painting some miniature models. Sometimes he'll use the excuse that he already jacked off in the shower this morning and now is too tired. I can't even remember how many times I've sat in front of him, crying, begging him to have sex with me.

I blame myself. What else could it possibly be? I've gotten fat during the pandemic, or maybe he's finally had enough of my lazy attitude. So I start working out, and I even manage to pick up around the house more often... nothing. Nothing.

He's a good man. Smart, decent, responsible, empathetic. A normal, reasonable guy.

The last time I begged him for sex was three days ago. This morning I asked for some attention... not sexual, just generally. Watch a movie with me. Go on a walk with me. Let's talk about our interests. But his computer broke down so I have to sit in my room by myself and wonder just what it is that drives him away from me.

I'm having fantasies about cheating on him to hurt him, or moving out. It's gotten so out of control and I don't have anyone I can turn to. I'm absolutely miserable, and because I'm hurt, I can't communicate properly anymore. I'm so embarrassed and ashamed. What kind of loser must I be to beg someone to have sex with me.

I'm tired of asking for it, but if I don't he just won't say anything. Do I smell bad?

Why why why why. I'm a good girl. Why.

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a month ago

Re: I can't get my boyfriend to have sex with me anymore

That's a problem!

My husband and I would have a lot of sex when we were boyfriend and girlfriend. I'll admit, once we got married the sex did die down a bit, more on his end (I'm more hot natured than him). There was a week where my husband was working an hour away and would leave the house at 5am and wouldn't arrive back home till around 8pm. I like to do it better at night so I would try to have sex with him, but he was really tired. Of course I would get mad but he would make up for it in the morning. He would sleep, get his rest and bam wake me up before he would leave.

I have been where you are. Being told "to be patient" is not the advice you need right now. What I think you are looking for is an answer. There are a range of explanations that can contribute towards his strange behaviour. I was lucky to get my explanation at the beginning of my relationship with my partner. They came out to me as being Ace and it was a solid 2 years before we had sex. To this day she shows very little sexual desire at all,but recently we have had a lot of time to talk. It felt like a negotiation at first but we compromised to a certain ammount of sex a week. Its not that she doesn't enjoy sex, its mainly that she has no desire for it, and never really picks up whenever I'm putting down.

Another thing it could possibly be is depression. Both me and my partner suffer from this and it mainly something that effects the inner being rather than what you see on the surface. For me personally, it comes in waves. I know that my wife's libido tanks during her depressive episodes. Just understand that this has nothing to do with you personally.

I know that it is tough but comprise is the way to go. I know what it is like to be with someone and love them and need that release. As a possibility, try asking for an open relationship. I can tell you now, that cheating is not the road to go.

hope this helped a little

I had this problem in my second relationship. We were together for two years also. I had to literally beg him to have sex with me. He just wasn’t interested in it.

I’m a very attractive girl in my 20s who gets a lot of attention and advances from men, but the one man I wanted just didn’t want me in that way anymore.

Long story short? I found out that he was secretly gay and struggling with his sexuality.

It could be anything, but this prolonged disinterest definitely ISNT normal. Be honest and ask what his problem is. The truth will come out one way or another, eventually.


i dont know how much helped i'll be, i feel im younger than you guys but me and my boyfriend have been together almost 4 years now. we almost broke up so we had to have a sit down talk it a locked closet. thanks to my friend emily and my boyfriends friend gavin.

it wasnt a talk about sex because that wasnt a big problem for us but it was just communication in general. i told him how i didnt like it when he would spend the night and when i would wake up the next day with him being gone. he apologized and told me why: that he felt uncomfortable if my parents were to come in on their way out to work and see him there.

he told me how how he didnt like it when i would get mad at him for really little things, never solve them then and when we would get into a bigger argument, pull them out and make it worse. i apologized and told him that sometimes i wanted to forget about them because like he said, they weren't big, but then they would resurface.

to resolve them, i took him and my parents to a cafe on the beach where they could all connect and really talk and get to know each other better so he would feel more comfortable with them. they first time they met was a month into us dating and it was just a weird dinner and my dog peed on him so yeah. but my parents loved him both times!

for me, i told him a few times the little things bothered me and we fixed them:)

i suggest really talking. not interrupting and just being real with each other. because either he's hiding something:/ or you'll never know. and if it's something you really want, which i suspect it is because duh its sex, you have to be firm and set boundaries for yourSELF. tell him he HAS to have this conversation. he HAS to listen. if he refuses... know your worth and be the bigger person HOWEVER YOU WANT TO BE THAT PERSON.

good luck bby<3

xx, brae