For two years I've been struggling to try and get his attention. Lingerie, communication, new sex toys, the whole nine yards. I've done it the right way, by the book. No blaming, no resentment. Just open dialogue and patience. I know he's not cheating, and I know he likes having sex with me, but for some reason, there always seems to be a more pertinent issue, and it's gotten out of control.
One week I asked him three days in a row and on the last day he "forgot" again because he was busy painting some miniature models. Sometimes he'll use the excuse that he already jacked off in the shower this morning and now is too tired. I can't even remember how many times I've sat in front of him, crying, begging him to have sex with me.
I blame myself. What else could it possibly be? I've gotten fat during the pandemic, or maybe he's finally had enough of my lazy attitude. So I start working out, and I even manage to pick up around the house more often... nothing. Nothing.
He's a good man. Smart, decent, responsible, empathetic. A normal, reasonable guy.
The last time I begged him for sex was three days ago. This morning I asked for some attention... not sexual, just generally. Watch a movie with me. Go on a walk with me. Let's talk about our interests. But his computer broke down so I have to sit in my room by myself and wonder just what it is that drives him away from me.
I'm having fantasies about cheating on him to hurt him, or moving out. It's gotten so out of control and I don't have anyone I can turn to. I'm absolutely miserable, and because I'm hurt, I can't communicate properly anymore. I'm so embarrassed and ashamed. What kind of loser must I be to beg someone to have sex with me.
I'm tired of asking for it, but if I don't he just won't say anything. Do I smell bad?
Why why why why. I'm a good girl. Why.