I feel so hopeless. Everything in my life is a huge, huge mess, and no matter what I try to do to fix it, nothing works out and it crushes me even more. I'm so tired, I want a break so bad but I never catch it. It hurts even more to be so lonely among this... Nobody would ever accept and love a pathetic mess like me. Nobody at all. I keep pushing myself into living just because I want to live to see better days... but I don't think they'll ever come to me. I've been trying to hard to find them since more than a decade, but they never come to me; I always remain this depressed, lonely scum. I don't know how much longer I can keep up... I feel like dying. I keep thinking of how I can kill myself. But I'm too scared to die. I don't know what to do. Sorry this is all over place... Just... how do I find strength to keep going?