Last night I was thinking of him. As I was a tik tok of his popped up. He was so fucking hot. I got horny. So of course I touched myself thinking of him. I realized I have done this so many times. I left bad in a way. I felt horrible that I felt like this than I remembered he doesn't even know I exist. I smiled but I teared up. I have loved him since I first saw him. Like a year ago. I know he'll never know who I am or what I have done or what I was so close to doing. That makes me feel a little better, but at the same time I hate it and I want to cry. I want to kiss him so fucking badly. I want to do so much with him. He won't know. He won't know any of the dreams I had of him. God thinking about him or the dreams gets me so horny. He's going to be mine. I'll change this shitty reality. I'll do anything for him to be mine. Its to the point where I want hurt myself, others, or him. Him... I hate wanting to hurt him but if thats what I have to do than ill do it. I want to show him how much I love him. How even looking at him gets me off.