I cry myself to sleep

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I have several overlapping chronic illnesses and only my doctor believes me. I am also gay. I have no family and no friends because they either think I am lying or are tired of hearing from me. I was kicked out of my church. There are so many things wrong everyone assumes I am making it all up. I wish I F-ING was. They see me as too needy. As a drama llama. As a BS artist. I am also trapped in an abusive relationship with a man who thinks I am a liar and who makes no secret of it but who knows I have nowhere else to go. I am so lonely. I cry every night. I no longer even try to do things as hope has become an enemy. I want to die but I am scared to do even I don't want to die alone.