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I cut myself

I cut myself one day. I’m 13 and I’ve had depression since my step mom cheated on my mom with one of my teachers. The only reason she cheated with my teacher is because I got in a special program that was basically robotics, and when we traveled, they talked and we all became friends long after it ended. I feel responsible. I woke up one day and wondered what it was like to cut, I had a box cutter in my room and made about 10 quick swipes across my arm, and blood came up. It has been around a month since this happened, but I still feel so guilty, and I can’t talk to anyone because I’m afraid of getting sent away, or put on medication. Therapy doesn’t work, and my suicidal thoughts are getting a lot more frequent. If something doesn’t happen soon I might just shoot myself with my moms gun