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I don't exist anymore

I don't exist anymore. Or at least it seems like nobody wants me to except my mom and my sister's husband. Yeah, for some reason my sister's husband has been a better friend to me than my own sister during this. There just is no me anymore. Technically, I'm not even allowed to stay with my mom even though she wants to let me stay here. So I'm hiding.


Yesterday, people who I thought were my friends had me arrested while I was staying at their home as an invited guest. I posed no threat. I think I just maybe insulted one of them really bad without realizing it. Next thing I know, I'm surrounded by 5 cops being kidnapped. He said I threatened to kill myself. So the cops thought they were doing me a favor, like this was an act of love and compassion.


God doesn't like people who are disrespectful to guests that they've invited into their homes. I think it's one of the most basically well known facts in every culture in the world. If you disrespect a guest you invited into your home, you are fucked. God doesn't play nice with that shit. He has something to say about that. Vengeance is mine and I will repay.


I will let God have the vengeance. I'm done even trying.


I'm going to pray to God because I need his help. I don't really want to die, but I don't want to live anymore. I feel like I have no reason to live, and I have no energy for it anymore.


My brother in law told me I need to live because my mom needs me. And I know that that's true. But also, I would not be alive if not for her. And as for my sister, she's just decided to be a huge bitch for unknown reasons. We will probably get past it one day if I don't decide to kill myself.


I bought all the stuff I would need to make sure it's effective. Like three different vectors. The knife would work just fine, but in case somebody takes me to a hospital, the acetaminophen will destroy my liver beyond repair. There is an antidote for Tylenol overdose, but....I'm guessing it only works OK when a person wasn't actively trying to kill himself and also bleeding out at the same time.


I'm not doing it right now. If anybody sees this and uses my IP address to illegally track me down and rush me to a hospital, that would just be another reason for me to want to die. I'm already in the home of my mom. And I'm working on it. It's hard. I don't want to live. But I'm working on it. I definitely don't need to be kidnapped again.