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I don't feel like myself anymore.

I don't really know what's wrong with me. I've done so much bad things in my life it's hard to count. Anyways, I'm gay. I'm a male. I'm 18. But I have a girlfriend. I don't love my girlfriend but she loves me. I don't want to break off the relationship because she's the type who would threaten to kill herself. And I don't need that in my life right now. I've been thinking about just cheating on her. And she isn't the first person that comes to my mind anymore. I want to break it off, of course I do. But It seems impossible. I don't want to hurt her, because she's a genuinely nice girl. But it just isn't working. We keep fighting all the time. And we don't even like the same things. She's an extrovert while I'm an introvert. She likes upbeat music while I like sad songs. It's just inevitable. And it's not like I'll be ridiculed by my family for being gay. They accepted me for being "bisexual". But I don't have attraction to females. I just want to break it off, and I don't have the right support right now, and non of my antidepressants aren't working. And I feel like I'm trapped. I just want someone to hug me and pick me up and make me feel like I'm actually happy again. I can't tell anyone how I'm feeling and It's all just inside of me. And it comes out as explosive anger towards my girlfriend. It just feels like my world Is crumbling. Please, someone. Just help me.


If you know anything that can help me, please. I'm begging you for it.



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Re: I don't feel like myself anymore.

I am also a gay male, and i thought multiple times of having a girlfriend just to satisfy my family beacuse of the current environment im living in where i'd most likely be ostracized if act on my feelings, i unterstand the feeling of being trapped in a situation where you feel you have no way of getting out of. I think inevitably you will have to tell her if you want to be happy with your life again. The fact that you mentioned her feelings means that you are considerate enough to think about her in YOUR moments of plight which means you should consider how she will feel if she finds out you are cheating on her or that you can't reciprocate her feelings of love for you. If she loves you then she'll let you go and if you still consider her a friend then explain to her your pain and why you can't be together because it might only get worse as time progress as it might be more difficult then.