I don't hate myself

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It wasn't my fault to be this way or have different dreams from other people. Because when they should have paid attention to me they didn't. My part attention was divided amongst three of us me, my sister and my brother.

I made my laptop a big part of my life to hide the pain I wanted to ignore but I didn't know that at that period of time.i didn't wanted to go to school.

No I didn't learn things from my parents they weren't there to teach me. So whatever I saw I learnt that either from movies or shows to be honest even from YouTube.

Yes my dreams would have been different and something the society wanted to accept like a doctor and lawyer etc.

My dream became something I was to see or learn and that was fashion it made me happy .No one asked me at that time nor did they objected.But now that it's time to serious and take a step forward to make that dream true. A moment when I want my parents to give me the attention I always needed.

They kinda aren't there.

Seriously I am in 12 my father doesn't know that I have taken humanities.I reminded him yesterday also. Same goes for my mother.

It's now there mistake I can't just aspect them to be all different so suddenly nor am I saying that I can't achieve it without there help.

I am jealous of my siblings .I wont deny. But is it my fault. I did everything by myself all the bad times,all my problems.

And I am proud of myself why wouldn't I be be. Yes I am a teenager and I know people other are with more sad or intersting stories than me. But that doesn't make me any small.

No I don't want to make u other people happy when u weren't there when I was finding myself how can u say that being a lawyer would have been nice .I now u are disappointed but I am not. People don't like me mabye I am selfish.But I should be u gave me a choice to be a wife or having a job.

So listen I am going to make it into collage no matter what. I am going to focus on myself. I know I can. There will be hard times but when were not. And mom dad believe me I am going to be a women I adore. I will never say i am not grateful to u because I love u and I know u do too.