i really just want to rant right now, but i don’t really have anybody i feel completely comfortable with sharing these things with. and everybody is currently asleep. tonight started off with just wanting a rush of adrenaline, like the kind you get from doing something new or getting really angry and feeling powerful. but then i got really sad once i started to think about how long it’s been since i’ve felt actually happy and at peace with myself. i just feel like nobody actually cares, if i told my parents how much i hated myself, or about the way i wish i wasn’t here sometimes, they wouldn’t take me seriously, and like i said, i don’t have many friends who i can share this with. pretty much everybody that’s come into my life has left, or we’ve drifted apart. ive also been thinking about how a boy has never actually cared about me, not that men are a necessity, but it’s nice to have someone to talk to and be there for you. the last boy i had something with said he couldn’t do it anymore without any explanation, almost right after i let him take my virginity. and it really hurt my feelings, and today one of my best friends ignored me when i asked if they were busy today because i wanted to hang out. it snapped my heart in half. i also recently tried to talk to somebody i used to have something with, he used me yet again, then stopped talking to me, which i guess is sort of my fault for being so stupid and thinking he would fucking care. also, not to mention, i really want some weed right now. but again, i don’t have anybody i can get it from. i just miss having friends and hanging out with people and genuinely having fun. i wish somebody was honest with me for once in my fucking life. i actually do want to know why every single person is so uninterested in me, i’d say i’m averagely attractive, i’m shy but i’m definitely not once we get to know each other, and i go to the end of the earth to make sure everybody around me is happy. i feel like i’m just such a background character for everybody and i’m starting to feel like a background character in my own life too.