My life has been a shit fest. Seems like every day there's something new popping up and making life harder. I never would've thought I would be where I am today. My father will never get off drugs long enough to realize he has 2 daughters who could use a father. My mother is my rock but she's also emotionally unstable herself, which makes it hard to talk to her sometimes. And the whole world has an opinion you know... everyone just has to say what's on their mind no matter who it affects. My best friend died in May of 2019 and honestly he was usually one of the couple people who could make me laugh and make me feel a little less crazy. Sometimes I feel alone. Other times I just wish the world would leave me alone. I never know how I'm going to feel. It's like my mind and body make decisions on their own. I know this is probably a jumbled mess. But this is how my thoughts work. they bounce from one to another all the time. Like a tornado of thoughts swirling at all times. Nights are the worst cause I finally am alone. I think about everything. I think about why I ended up where I am. I wonder why I never feel good enough. Or why I just can't catch a break. Or why there are nights where I feel like I want to die. I feel like no one around me ever truly understands. I thought I found someone who did... but honestly i dont know anymore. I dont feel like I know anything honestly.