mood swings

i don’t know how to feel

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i feel like I just need to let everything out on here because I can’t where I am. lately I’ve just been feeling so pent up by holding in emotions, so worthless, so like, non purposeful, like no matter what I do, it won’t matter.

for some backstory, I live in a small house with just my mother. we used to be fine but ever since I started high school, our relationship rapidly deteriorated. my mother has very clear mental issues. she has constant mood swings and on her days off barley gets out of bed. I believe she suffers from bipolar disorder and depression.

it breaks my heart for her, it always has, but she refuses to seek mental help because she believes nothings wrong and won’t let anyone tell her. this is where her anger issues stemmed from as well

for 5 years, I’ve been dealing with verbal and physical torment from her. it ranged from breaking my phone and laptop, to kicking me out in the pouring rain and making me miss the school bus. so many things have happened. I always stuck though it though

my friends have been there to help me, but they don’t actually how bad it is. she’s starting to get mad everyday now. It’s just so tiring.

ive now just graduated high school. And I feel like I should be happy. I’m going to uni in about a month and a bit which will get me away from her, I’ve got a genuine boyfriend, and friends that I adore.

but I just can’t. I always feel like I’m hiding something. I feel like I don’t deserve everything that’s happening. I know I should, but i see the stars at night, and I just want to join them.

if you’d read this, thank you, it means a lot

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