conflicting emotions

I don't know how to feel better

Time Spent- 4m
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Hello.. Im a 26 year old guy. I'm not sure why I had to search for a forum to write in.. I just don't know who to talk to about this stuff even though I have people in my life who would be willing to hear me out. I feel trapped in anxiety, expectation, and conflicting emotions between depression and fear. I graduated as a medical doctor 2 years ago, then I decided I wanted to apply for a medical residency in the US (I'm not from the US) which requires vast knowledge of exam topics and many hours of study time. I have been studying for a long time now but I don't feel ready yet.. rather I know I'm not ready yet. I feel a lot of pressure from this.. but I believe the pressure might push me towards decreasing procrastination. I got a job 2 days ago, a part time where I can work from home and study the rest of the day. I really wanted this job, I didn't need a job since I get a lot of support from my family but I wanted one anyway to be able to pay for my own expenses regarding my medical residency. I have never been to adept at sharing how I feel even to those closest to me. I lost my girlfriend 3 months ago, we dated for a long time and in some way or another I felt safe with her, I thought I was going to marry her. I felt a lot of anxiety when we were together and I feel it still. I'm afraid I wont find anybody else. My thoughts are a mess and I struggle to deal with my own thoughts, more so this last couple of months.. this has affected my sleep time and the effort I'm putting into my studies which in turn just makes me more afraid to fail. I dont know what to do.. I don't know who to talk to..