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I don't know me anymore

Uhm... hi? I'm nana, I'm not used to this to like say what's on my mind or write it down, I've never given a thought about it maybe because i hate being a bother to my family, that's must be it. i can't talk anything to my friends i'm scared they will snitch on me again, i just can't trust anyone at all. my older sister is very controlling and damn i really hate her, i get scared but i just have to suck it up and to hold it in me, hoping i will just wake up tomorrow and found out i already graduated at college and have a job so i can cut her off out of my life, i just hate her to the point i would cry because i fear her so much and whenever she got the chance to have me alone she would always say harsh words like beating me up or making me stop studying if i won't follow what she wants. i'm just really scared of her, she's been doing this since i was a kid and i hate her for always making me feel like i'm nothing just some dumb girl who always depends on someone. there is this boy who courted me for 5 months and she found out, she confiscated my phone and have someone kept an eye on me at school and she even said that i'm being like our mom who is a wh*re and a sl*t who would open up her legs to anyone, i just couldn't keep it anymore, i can't even cry, if she knew i cried she would threaten me again and i just can't have it anymore. as of now i really wanna go abroad and start a new simple life 'til i graduate but i'm scared of the consequences and what the future holds. i'm sorry for ranting.

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Re: I don't know me anymore

you shouldnt be sorry for anything. she’s horrible and she should be completely ashamed for her actions. thats not a sister. she is someone you have to deal with and put up with. she is a stranger and obviously doesnt deserve you. she is lonely and miserable. YOU are amazing, and youre trying i can tell. i think you should attempt to finish out school depending on how much time you have left. if you have the option of leaving, go. dont come back to her. you deserve the world and more