I was in a relationship for 8 years, within that relationship were good and bad moments. Most of the time there were more bad. We fought a lot, especially after our son was born. There was indefinitely on his side, constant emotional manipulation and verbal abuse. About 2 years ago he decided he didn’t want to be with me anymore and I had to start my life over from scratch.
im now 2 years free, but not really. Once you have a kid you’re forever tied to that person. I’m with someone new and that relationship is better but also not. My current boyfriend has issues with my son and trying to step into the role that I need him to be in for me and my son. We fight a lot about my son and it feels like there’s nowhere new to go from here. I feel like we’re one fight away from splitting, because if he can’t accept my child into his life then why should I put myself and my child through that pain?
my ex is still in my life too, emotionally and sexually I still feel tied to him in some sick way. Sometimes we do things with my son as a family unit and it doesn’t feel any different to me than when we were together. So it makes it really hard for me to not be invested in him still. I still love him more than anything, but I love my new guy too. But maybe not completely. I feel like I’ll never feel free from feeling not good enough for anyone or that everything is too complicated for someone to be here for the long run.
everyday I look at myself and feel like I don’t know who I am