I dont know what to do

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My life kinda sucks now.....i got drunk today for the first time(i most prolly regret writing this while almost drunk)my mom loves my sister more than me.....and people think i get i get the most love because im the younger one...i love my really...but mom loves her more...i dont have a father because he was a dick and and he tried to do really nasty things to mom divorced him(im not supposed to tell any one about this)and now i took a sub as main even tho dont like that because I wanted mom to love me as much as she liked my sis....really if u think u cn hurt me u r wrong....i got enough from my own family...but im really good at helping other emotionally ...and sometimes physically....i love psychology...but mom forced me to take science....and its really heavy for me.....i want a family's support....and im really not getting that...i want done cryin alone in the dark while they both sleep i dont cry at all... i cant cry anymore...sometimes it feels like all emotions vanished and sometimes it feels like all the emotions are coming together...all at once...

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