year girl

I don't know what to do

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So basically I'm a 18 year old girl and I think I'm going through some problems or maybe disorders as you can say. I think I'm depressed I don't exactly know. So all my problems lead to my family. My mom's been screwing around since I was 2 and I think that's partly the reason I feel this way. My mom used to hit me earlier. My dad's also violent and I'm a single child so yeah I pretty much don't have anyone to talk to about these things. My parents are finally going to get divorced this year or probably the next and I'm shifting to another country with my dad. But I'm not gonna stay with him, I'll be living in a dorm or something. Mostly it's because of my mom why I feel like this I think so. The other day I had an argument with her about her boyfriend she almost choked me with her hands. I still have her nail marks on my neck. And I don't know why or how but whenever I'm with my friends I easily pretend that nothing is going on with me. My friends know how fucked up I am. They always give me a shoulder to cry on. So now my main problem is that I think after I drink a lot like above my capacity I start babbling away all the things that's been happening to me and that's not the problem, the problem is that I think I am suicidal. I actually have a lot of anger issues so when that stage comes after I drink a lot I start punching walls and things continuously till I bleed. Whenever these incidents have taken place my friends have always been with me so I don't entirely know if I'm capable enough to kill myself. And my friend, she's been studying psychology and suggested me to talk to someone professional but I can't open up to someone I don't know. So here I am writing here hoping people won't judge me. Please if anyone knows what exactly I'm going through, do tell.

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