My mother is an alcoholic and has hit me and my siblings in the past. My father left when I was younger and we hadn't seen each other for 6 years, he came back a couple times and left all over again. I had lived with my mother for 14 years and looked after her when she hurt herself or ran away or screamed at me or hit me, as if I was her mum. The latest time we reconnected with my father was at my Nan's funeral and I am currently living with him. The story behind how I came to live with my dad is complicated, but it's safer. My mum had hit me again and tried to hit my older sister. As our dad is back in our lives and our mother kicked us both out, we left. We grabbed a bag full of clothes and practically ran to our Dad's, out of fear that she'd come after us. When we got to his, he called the police and they came over around midnight and collected a statement from me and my sister. We both stayed at my dad's for 2 days but my sister had to leave because she was 18 and my dad's kids were coming back from their aunt's. She stayed with a friend for a couple weeks until being placed in supported accommodation and I stayed with my father. The relationship between me and my dad was too broken to be able to live under the same roof and I had made the mistake of contacting my mother, so I left. I went to stay with my "step dad's" daughter and her family. I stayed there for a month until my mother made me move back in with her. When I went back to her, my older brother, my older sister and my father all stopped speaking to me. Eventually my mother began to go back to her old ways with me and after being accused of being on drugs, threatening to call the police on me and my dad, threatening to kill my sister, she kicked me out again. This time, I couldn't even talk to my dad about going back to him so I moved around places for a couple days until school forced me to go to my dad's.After a painful cycle of "arguing" with my father, our relationship got better and we are able to have a father-daughter relationship I always wanted. I haven't spoken to my mother since early December last year but I miss her.I don't want to miss her but I miss the kind version of her. Her birthday was in February and I took everything in me not to talk to her. I was getting better and thought it was getting easier but I miss her all over again these past couple days. My dad doesn't understand why but that doesn't matter to me because he is constantly telling me and my siblings how happy he is that we are back in his life, which my mother never did. I don't want to miss you mum but I do.I'll never forgive you, but I won't forget the memories we made together.