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i dont know what to do

i am a 13 year old girl and i dont have a verry good past .my mum was and still is an alcoholic and my step dad was physically abusive towards my mum ,i watched him chase her up the stairs and her hide from him in her room at the age of 8 or 9 with my little sister who wuld have been 6 or 7 .my step dad is not abusive towards anyone in the family anymore but my mum is still an alcoholic and she will take any chance to drink .we can't go on holiday abroad or in the county because me and my sister are scared of what might happen .my dads house is good we do fun things but i am constantly worrying about my sister since i practically raised her because my mum was passed out on the sopha and my step dad was out .my mum is currently living with my nan so i go for a week every other week so i see my nan aswell .i dont understand why i am constantly sad but if u met me you wuldent think that i am because i am verry good at acting like everything is ok from practice. but i have nothing to be sad about , the only problems i have are concerns for my sister's wellbeing and we have no one to talk to about our feelings so we keep it all inside, and i dont think i want to or will be able to live past 16 i dont want to have to deal with what is happening in my life so my only way out is to go to sleep forever. but i dont want to leave my sister so even tho im constantly sad i put on a smile and act it is working so far. i have removed all sharp items from my room because i cut my wrists but only a bit it was nothing, so i dont know what to do. i dont want to deal with life and i dont realy want to live anymore but i dont want to tell anyone incase i worry them or they tell me to grow up and get over it so i dont know what to do, so if anyone has any suggestions it will be appropriated.


sorry i am so gloomy and stuff i dont want to upset anyone but i want some help anything is appreciated, sorry for any spelling mistakes.