I feel really lost lately.
I shouldn't because I have a lovely, loving boyfriend, and a family that cares about me. But I feel beyond lonely. I am hating everything about my life right now, I hate my 8-5 life, I hate that I have no energy after work to even cook supper and I end up ordering something, and spending even more money that I know I shouldn't be spending.
I was in an abusive/manipulative relationship for 3 years that I got out of a little more than 2 years ago, and I am happy in my current relationship, but for some reason, I'm still not a happy person. I'm miserable every day, I hate my life every single day. But I'm not suicidal, I don't want to end my life. I just want a different life.
My dad is extremely ill, and for some reason, I have slight reasons to believe he's trying to end it himself so his sickness doesn't take him first. I don't want to think like that, but he's done questionable things, like trying to light a cigarette while his oxygen is on. Twice. The first time is a mistake, and he was clear to understand what he did was wrong, but he did it again last night and burned a LARGE portion of his face and his hands. How can you do that twice??
My sister is driving me crazy, she's convinced the guy she's seeing isn't abusive, but as someone who has experienced that full on, and as someone who was constantly badgering me while I was with my ex, she should KNOW better, she always claimed she did, and knows what she sees are red flags, but she doesn't change, she continues to stick up for him and pretend she doesn't see what she knows is there.
She only gets mad at me when I try to confront her about it, she only gets pissed off.
When I was with my abuser, I would do EVERYTHING in my power to avoid talking about him, to not bring him up to the people around me that I knew hated him, and knew what he was about. But she happily brings him up, talks about him way too much to me when she knows I can't stand the guy. I know it's because she craves the attention, which she has admitted before, but still.. no change.
I want to move away and start over. But I can't.