TW: SAI was sexually abused for years growing up. My mom knew it was going on and still let it happen, hell she even made me share a bed with him for 7 years.And god it was bad. It was so fucking bad. I was barely out of diapers at the beginning. and was 12 when it stopped. It was so bad. It's changed me completely. its fucked up my relationships. my love life. my family dynamic. God it ruined everything. and now Its part of me. i ruin everything. god i ruin everything. I fell in love with another guy, my now ex who raped me. I fell in love with a fucking RAPIST- i fell for my bestfriend a year later. She truly loved me. but i couldn't love her back. i ended things after a month of faking my feelings. i havent talked to her in months because of it. ive lost all my friends. ive lost myself. god im disgusting now. i was snooping around online and came across a weird fetish site. i clicked on one of the videos assuming it was gonna be some weird step-sis thing.. it was cnc. i was disgusted at first and nearly threw my phone. after a couple minutes of watching it i realized i liked it.WTF is wrong with me?!?! jesus fucking christ what is wrong with me.im a teenage girl being turned on by cncit makes it so much worse too considering the amount of times ive been rapedgod im disgustedi hate myselfi want to just off myselftheres something wrong with megod theres something wrong with mei should just kill myselfgod i should just kill myselfim so disgusting.