I don't know what I've been doing. What's my use? Yeah I work but nothing comes out of it. I act like all my problems in life are the worst. I complain and complain. I feel like my family doesn't really like me that much. And it's sad cause I know they do. But I can't take this. I mean obviously I can but I don't want to. Is there some reason that people just ignore my calls and just never call back. What have I done? Am I so annoying that no one is ready to do anything for me. I feel like I'm asking for favours but it's just a basic human thing especially when you're friends with someone. They should do it, no? They should want to do it! I don't think I have a true friend. I feel like I've been one to them but what in return? Obviously I keep thinking about myself and everyday gets worse. This online thing is so so bad I can't! I feel like the last five years of my life have been nothing! I don't know how to put it in words. I feel like if my grandma was here right now, everything would be alright. Cause seeing her made everything okay. I genuinely loved her you know. I sleep in her bed and I miss her so fucking much. So fucking much! Everything is just stressful and I don't want it. The smallest of problems come and I feel like what am I gonna do? There are people with worse problems and actual depression and here's me. See the only thing is, I was promised fun, I was looking forward to it but nothing is working out the way I want it to. It's a fucking mental toll I don't want to deal with. Yes I come from privilege and my problems don't even come close to yours but please!! Look me in the eyes once cause I really just wanna cry. I want to cry so much! I want to feel alive cause right now, I'm just lying around. I am in all true senses, a useless waste of space. But I try you know, I do. Maybe not enough but I do. It's not that I'm sad. I'm just never happy. I'm just there. I'm not happy. Happiness is not a minute or two of laughs for me, it's a mental state where I don't have to think. I don't know how to explain. I don't know the day I'll be truly happy. But I can't. Studies suck. They do. They've taken everything from me. I could've been something better. But I'm not. I'm not comfortable under my skin and I don't love myself. Saying this makes me cry but I don't. And that's the truth. I haven't loved myself in a long long time. It's not that I can't, I just don't.
a month ago
Re: I don't know why...
...idk if you want me to aggressively comfort u or just normally comfort u so you can read which ever one u want.
dude...i feel just like you. honestly, I believe you're amazing. i don't even know you and I can tell. you are so strong! you are incredible for holding on for so long. of course I don't expect you to automatically be happy. honestly, you'll probably just read this over and think I don't feel any of it. BUT I DO. I promised to myself that id care for everyone. you should cry. you've been strong for too long. i love you, you know...and after you cry, focus on writing the best things that happened to yourself EVERYDAY. studies have shown that the happier things u write, the happier the person is and the sadder the stuff the writer writes, the sadder they get. so write the happy things! your emotions will probably heal slowly, but i promise you that they're healing.
Angry Comfort NOW IM WRITING LINES OVER THIS INCASE YOU DONT WANNA READ THIS SO YOU DONT ACIDENTALLY READ THIS. HEY DUMBASS. YOURE AMAZING OKAY. BITCH STOP BEING DEPRESSED. PEOPLE LOVE U. I LOVE U. WHY CANT YOUR ASS REALIZE HOW AMAZING YOU ARE. YOU JUST TO UNCONFIDENT. HOW DO YOU CONFIDENT SOMEONE. TBH IDK IM NOT GOOD AT ADVICE. BUT BITCH, JUST KNOW THAT UR AMAZING AND I LOVE YOU. YOU CAN DO ABSOLUTELY ANYTHINGS YOU MARVELOUS ASS HUMAN BEING. OK BYE