Hi, I apologize in advance if I sound narcissistic; I don't mean to. I don't know where else to talk about this... I've already caused enough damage.So I'm extremely emotional and hypersensitive. I feel intense emotions and overthink (likely more than other people). My feelings get hurt over the tiniest things, because I take everything personally. Small things like being bad at something or losing is enough to make me cry. I feel hopeless for long periods of time and for no apparent reason. One minute everything seems fine, then suddenly I realize what an untalented, worthless, and horrible person I am. The best I can describe it is an "empty" feeling that likes to hit me at random moments. I think I may have depression.I've read many articles and received advice on how to become mentally and emotionally stronger. I tell myself to get up when I fall down. I try and put on a strong exterior for my family and friends. I don't want to let my emotions get the best of me, but it always finds a way to do so. I'm a 15 year old with a good life. Good friends, good family, good relationships, decent grades, my health is fine. My sadness could have originated from my sister being rude towards me, almost everyday. I don't know though, I might be the bad guy here instead of her. It's like whatever help I receive doesn't stick in my head and I keep making mistake after mistake.The most recent incident of my emotional outbursts is yesterday when I went out with my family to have some fun. We've been stuck in the house since the pandemic started. I was already feeling down on the way there (my sister was annoying me and I have to deal with her because she's an adult, can't do anything there). She does this thing where she physically wrestles with my arm and squeezes my arm fat. She slaps and pinches my butt (sometimes in public) and it actually hurts. She pokes me and it gets extremely frustrating having to deal with that crap over the years (mind you, she's an ADULT). This probably doesn't make sense lol. But I know sisters can be playful and do these things with each other, but I don't know if this is normal. My parents say this is her way of showing affection but it's irritating as hell. Anyway, we got there and I was doing really bad and losing. Like I said, I cry whenever I lose and I felt my eyes shedding tears already. I want to control it but it's so hard. It's like whenever I fight back my tears they just get worse. And it didn't help that my sister was being obnoxious. She doesn't know when to stop and never cares that I am upset. She just keeps talking and babbling on. I just wanted her to shut up, and finally stood up for myself. Shouldn't have done that, as she has this tendency to fight back and win arguments (and we were in public). She doesn't stop until she wins, so after fighting back for only a minute, I gave up. She kept throwing jabs at me and I don't blame her. "You started it, why don't you finish it?" I don't know... I don't know. "I'm sorry", but it's too late for that. I already ruined the family fun... like I always do.It's honestly my fault that my family was miserable. They were having a great time and I had to ruin it because I let my emotions get in the way of their joy. I just HAD to take their happiness away :( There's always a problem whenever we go out in public together, and now I see why. I feel super bad and I want to take back that night, but I can't. My family has to deal with my emotional outbursts and crying all the freaking time. I'm 15! I'm not a child but I act like one. It's so frustrating that I can't control my emotions because I'm so damn weak. My mom was telling me to be stronger and she was pissed that I was a crybaby, and I understand why. I blamed my outburst on my sister but I am the problem. I let my emotions get in the way of other people's lives. I'm weak, not strong. I want to be strong and I tell myself I am, but that's a lie. My mom tells me that I am not trying hard enough to be strong, and she is probably right. I ruin everything. I am the problem. Why is it so hard to learn from my mistakes? This isn't the first time something like this has happened. I blame others. I don't listen. I don't know what to do. I overthink and tell myself that I will become a better person, but I never follow through. I keep screwing up. I'm a loser. I'm so weak. I wish I were stronger. I wish I wasn't like this. Why am I like this? Why can't I change myself? It's not that hard but I can't do it for some reason. Something is very wrong with me. I know but I don't know, ya know? I write down all these solutions and all these things I can do to help myself. Because in life, you only have yourself. You can only help yourself, I think. But I am naturally too dependent on others when it comes to my well-being.I hate myself.