I'm really good at pretending to be happy, I'm good at doing what I'm supposed to, at being what I'm expected to, I've done it for almost 30 years and I'll continue to do it for the rest of my life. I think someone made a mistake, I am a 100% sure I'm not supposed to be here, in this world, alive... I'm never truly happy, or sad, It's like I don't really feel anything, like I'm "fake feeling", whatever emotion lasts only a few minutes, like a high, and then I go back to feeling nothing.It's not like I want to kill myself, I don't. I just don't like being here, I never have.I know I must stay though, I'm my mother's everything, and she is all I have. I have to stay for her, I just really wish I wanted to stay for me. It's sad to think that I'll never know who I really am or what I really want, I'll never have my own life.Maybe one day I'll go to sleep and I'll stay that way... one can only hope.