I think something might be really wrong with me. All I feel like I deserve is to be abused and hurt, in any relationship. I was originally going to tell my therapist, but with everything that's been going on I can't see her anymore. I've gone from worrying about it and trying to hide it to not caring. I know I should care, and I know if I told any of my friends they would be really concerned and try and talk to me, but I just can't. I don't want their worry and care, I know I don't deserve it. I don't even know why I'm writing this, I guess to make myself feel a bit better? It doesn't really, but I think in some selfish way it does. Like I'm just confirming I do and that it's something that won't ever go away. Anyway, sorry I rambled on, and I'm sorry this is so.. fucked up I guess. Haha.