He raped me again tonight. Just now in fact. If I don't write this down I think I will implode. He put his hands around my throat and squeezed until I was nearly unconscious then had sex with my worn out body. I tried to fight him off. I really did, I was trying to be as quiet as I could and not scream out as to not wake the children up. I asked him to stop. 40 minutes this went on for. I physically couldn't fight for so long. I ended up giving in. Does that make it my fault? Did I not fight hard enough? I've obviously some something wrong. I can't recall what right now. I feel foggy now,my brain isn't working right. So I'll probably just try sleep until the baby wakes up. I'm sorry to whomever reads this,I just didn't have anywhere else to write this all down .