I can’t see myself living in the future. I can’t see myself having a job, or friends, or a family, or going to college, or anything. I can only imagine myself being dead because I can’t understand how I would ever be able to be happy as an adult. I barely know basic math, I’m horrible at school, I’m trans, and I’m fucking stupid. I’m so tired of pretending that I’m okay, when I’m really not. I’m tired of lying and saying that school is going well, when I can’t learn anything. I was two years clean of self harm and now I’m back on it and I feel disgusting. Nobody knows that I’m trans and my dysphoria is constant and makes me want to leave my entire body. I hate it here and I hate myself. I don’t know how to cope with anything anymore so I just pretend my problems don’t exist. But they’re there. And I’m a failure.