I can’t see myself living in the future. I can’t see myself having a job, or friends, or a family, or going to college, or anything. I can only imagine myself being dead because I can’t understand how I would ever be able to be happy as an adult. I barely know basic math, I’m horrible at school, I’m trans, and I’m fucking stupid. I’m so tired of pretending that I’m okay, when I’m really not. I’m tired of lying and saying that school is going well, when I can’t learn anything. I was two years clean of self harm and now I’m back on it and I feel disgusting. Nobody knows that I’m trans and my dysphoria is constant and makes me want to leave my entire body. I hate it here and I hate myself. I don’t know how to cope with anything anymore so I just pretend my problems don’t exist. But they’re there. And I’m a failure.
Re: I don’t see a future for myself
I can understand your thoughts but I don't think I agree with you. You should believe that everyone have a equal right to happiness and you just have to find yours in due time. You seem too young to think that what you are feeling right now is the end of world. Age 1-20 is somewhere we don't have much freedom and are constantly influenced by the people around us but once you are out of this stage, you will realize that you do have to build the future that you want for yourself with your own hands.
I understand that being a trans life must get quite hard at times as there are still many people who are homophobic but trust me not everyone is like that. There are people who will accept you just as you are, no questions asked. You don't have to hate yourself or hide yourself, remember you can't hide for a lifetime. The people who are not ok with you being you, trust me you don't need them in your life. It would be better to get rid of them sooner rather than later cause they would drive you insane otherwise. The people who will accept you nonetheless are the people whose opinions actually matter.
Trust me when you grow up you would realize what actual problems look like. And Math is not a real problem trust me. Apart from basic additions, subtraction, multiplication and division you won't find much use of the complex math in actual life unless of course if you are planning to make a career in that sorts of field. Just get passing scores I guess it shouldn't be that difficult.
Find what you are good at and what interests you. Everyone is good at something, find out what that something is for you and plan your future in that direction. I know many trans who are very good when it comes to customer services industry or fashion industry etc. Find out where you want to go from here. Don't harm yourself and cheer up. Have a good life.