But I also don't want to life any more. My happiness should not be based on you. But also if I don't know where I stand, how do I manage life? I don't want to. I'm not happy. But the things I'm not happy about I can't control. The only think I can control is food. I'm a fat fuck anyway. I hate looking at myself in the mirror because I'm disgusting so why not control the only thing I can.