I'm ashamed. My actions were disgraceful. I've apologised. I've given no excuses. I owned that.
I failed your expectations and now I feel your cold-shoulder. It really hurts, because I know I deserve it and I miss your friendship. But also because I think we'll never be the same, even if you forgive me someday,
I'm an imperfect soul, and I'll fail again, eventually. You will cold-shoulder me again, and again it's gonna hurt.
You lost trust in me for my mistake. And I lost trust I can be unconditionally accepted. I did not give up on myself because I know I'm inherently good. You are too, and I'd not give up on you. So I'm also disappointed.