First of all I have been experiencing alot of panic and anxiety attacks. One small trigger can make me cry and have an attack. And it last for almost a day, so I had to skip anything that I am doing.Talking to my family is never an option for me. Because all they do is talk and talk not even asking what I am feeling on the things they say. I just let them think of me as an outcast. Why? cause I feel like one.Whenever I talk to my sister, I feel so dumb and stupid. Cause I always feel inferior. Me having no stable job, no money, a person who waits for money to be given out by them. Me asking for help, and that made me feel I am the dumbest person they know. I can clearly hear them saying kind and encouraging words to other people. They can even ask others how they were but no with me, their own blood. I tend to shut my mouth whenever there is an argument. I am so used to being ignored that I can go from 0 to 100 when someone notices my presence. Maybe the frustrations and anger thats inside me turned me into someone who seeks for attention and care. Why? Cause I never felt anything like that, caude to every kind words they say, they will use a different harsh word that completely burned down my happiness from their kind words. And now, I am starting to feel the same way with my friends. That I am being ignored for some time. So maybe, that is where I am supposed to be. Maybe thats all I can be, a simple minded person who lives without a single person staying beside her.I guess I have to get used to it.Cause no one stays and no one will ever stay.And I have to be prepared for that, but how? I am breaking down and feeling so small everytime. Like a child who lost her mother. I am so sad, angry and confused.Confused because why am I feeling like this? The feeling of someone termenting me inside. I hope I could just die and evaporate like water. So no one notices.