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I feel like a loser for having these thoughts.

I can't stop thinking about killing myself. I am not able to talk to anyone. I can feel the walls are closing in and I am trying my best. I have been struggling with it for years but I am not able to talk to anyone. My family has this tendencies to think people who kills themselves are weak cowards and I know it's not a good reason for not getting help but I was brought up in an environment that if a guy cries he is insulted for being soft. I am trying my best to push forward with everything that I have at the moment instead of giving up.