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I feel like a sick fuck

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I’m literally always horny. As long as I can remember I’ve been horny. I had dreams about naked girls since I was 5 maybe 6. I’ve masturbated just about everywhere from public bathrooms, the bed I share with my brother, and even in the car with my family. It also effects my sex life. I’m always wanting to have sex with my girlfriend even when I know I don’t want to. Is that contradictory statement? Yes, but that’s how I feel. I’ve even gone as far as going to online sites and group chats like omegle and kik to find horny girls (even though I’m together with my girlfriend). Porn doesn’t cut it for me anymore, I want nudes from girls. After I cum from masturbating to these nudes, I unfriend and block these girls bc 1. I don’t want my girlfriend to find out 2. I’m deeply ashamed of it. It makes me sick and sometimes wanna throw up. I will often stay up for hours trying to find one horny girl to trade nudes with however I find myself wanting more in the moment. So I keep searching for more horny girls. However, 98% I’m left unsatisfied. I often do not stop until I get what I want. Right now, I’m in the unsatisfied state after 4 days of trying in a row but no luck. I’m trying to kick this ugly habit because it literally makes me feel insane. Friday I was in my room screaming at my phone “fuck you omegle you don’t rule me” and it felt good but by the next day I was back looking for horny girls. After that I was left in a head rush of negative thoughts that made my room spin. But it didn’t stop me for some reason. My hormones carried over to work when I was looking for horny girls in kik group chats at work, right next to the kid I work with. It makes me sick and I need help seriously!!! I don’t know what to do and just end up feeling guilty and like a monster. I’m scared this will ruin my relationship with my girlfriend not just because of the hypothetical situation she finds out about my gross habit, but just because of the guilt that overcomes me. I feel weird sometimes around people after I go on these sites. Almost like they know what I’ve done. If I haven’t said it yet (which I know I have) I’ll say it again, I NEED HELP!!! I want to kick this habit so bad and just feel normal. No more weirdness, guilt, insanity, or grossness. If anyone can help that’d be great. Thank you :)





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