I have had a history of bad stuff happening to me. Worse thing at the time was when I was assaulted by my first boyfriend. It was just a grope but it messed me up. I spent 5 years of my life fighting that and trying to get back to normal. I have slight PTSD from that. But what has happened this year tops that. And I feel lost. I got in another relationship this year. And it was great. But he got aggressive and mean and treated me and my family badly within the last month of our relationship. I broke up with him. The day I gave him his stuff back I found out I was pregnant. It was the end of June. On July 4th I was at work (I’m a cashier) and I started bleeding and I was in extreme pain. I had a miscarriage that lasted til July 9th. I never went to the hospital. I only told a hand full of people. I want to tell my mother, but I don’t want to worry her. Nor do I want to be taken to the doctor and they don’t find any evidence of a miscarriage and she thinks I lied or something. It’s been months I mean at this point would they even do anything? Would there even be any remaining evidence left? Idk. But I was pregnant. There were 2 lines. One was very very very thin but it was there. And I had the symptoms. This is where my downward spiral started. I became sad and angry at myself. I hate working at that register because the memory comes back and upsets me. I wanted my baby. I am only 19, but I wanted my child. I feel lost and not in control of my feelings or life anymore. Most days I want to crawl into a hole and give up. I feel numb. I have everything I’ve ever wanted. I have freedom to do as I please. A wonderful boyfriend, and yes he knows about all of this. A future. But I dont want any of it. I have a roof over my head and comfort but I just don’t want it anymore. And I don’t want to reach out for help, as I feel like a burden. I’m there for everyone I know and put them above myself. Should I tell my mom about the miscarriage? Should I seek help? How I feel, is it normal? Am I just going crazy? I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m just so lost, and I’ve never been like this. Not even after the assault. I was lost for a time, but nothing like this. But I’m not lost to the point of suicide or anything. I want my life. I just don’t know what to do with it anymore