My life is quite disappointing. I never got to feel such love from my family, I feel so alone at home always doing the same routine. I'm afraid of my family and being near them, its suffocating. My boyfriend who gave me more reasons to live and gave me the love I never felt at home, recently broke up with me and now I have to pretend to be fine whenever he is around because he still wants to be friends. He told me it was because he was losing feelings and because I can't communicate my feelings with him. It's hard to express myself since I came from a reserved family where I never show emotion so when I'm in a serious problem with him, I don't know how to deal with it but he got tired of me and wants to move on. I feel like he is just playing with my feelings because whenever he is needy, he comes to me but then asks me to forget and just be friends. But because I really love him, I want to do whatever he wants so that I can get a glimpse of the old loving boyfriend. Now I'm back to my depressive state where I feel like I can't take this anymore. I'm just tired of living and I'm mentally exhausted. I'd tell my friends and adults but they all give me the same advice of just move on and focus on myself but it really isn't easy and I feel like the only thing I can do is just hide and cry. I tend to do self harm because of my anxiety whenever I feel oppressed but nowadays it's becoming tiring trying to hide my scars all the time and I have thoughts of just hurting myself so I don't have to wake up. I wish I had amnesia so I can forget about everything.